Player positions: Who’s who in the rugby team zoo?

Rugby’s players are a motley crew, each with a job that’s slightly weirder than the last. In Rugby Skool today, we’re touring the pitch’s zoo, where 15 players per team range from nimble gazelles to human bulldozers. Let’s meet the cast.

Up front, the props and hooker (front row) are the scrum’s meat shields, built like vending machines, with tempers to match. The props push; the hooker hooks (snares the ball with his foot) and also feeds the ball into lineouts. 

Behind them are the locks — tall, lanky giraffes whose main job is to steal balls at lineouts, and to snarl while doing so. Flankers and the number eight are the back-row hustlers — fast, tough, with unresolved anger issues, always in the ref’s face. Those are the forwards. 

Now to the backs

The scrumhalf is the team’s hyperactive Jack Russell, yapping incessantly while zipping the ball from scrums and rucks. The flyhalf is the pretty boy maestro, kicking and calling plays while ensuring his hair is date night-ready. Flanks love flattening flyhalves. 

Then you have the two centers, they crash through defences like rhinos on rollerblades, and wingers sprint like they’re late for a bus, chasing glory. The fullback? He's the last-ditch hero, catching kicks and praying he doesn’t fumble.

Each position is a puzzle piece in rugby’s chaotic masterpiece. Watch in wonder as a wing deftly dodges a defender (as well as a visit to Casualty!) or as a prop flattens his prey — it’s poetry, but with concussions. 

Next, we’ll unravel the ref’s whistle and rugby’s random rulebook. For now, pick a favorite player. They’re all nuts, but they make rugby magic. DM